Lost in Wolf Dreams (Cormac's Pack) Read online

  “You’re an idiot,” Mac snapped.

  “Good thing I have a hard head,” Jillian mumbled.

  Mac got up from the chair. His anger vibrated in the air around him.

  “You could’ve killed yourself. That glass is shatterproof.”

  “I know that now,” Jillian said dryly.

  “You nearly killed yourself trying to get away from me!” Mac shouted.

  Jillian stared at him. “That should tell you something.”

  “It tells me you know something I don’t and if it doesn’t have to do with the argument we had the night before you disappeared, then I’m innocent.”

  Jillian considered him. Her memory was coming back. Not clearly, but in snapshots. The visions were too clear and vibrant to be dreams. “If there are wolf shifters, do other creatures exist too?”

  She knew her question threw Mac off his stride. He blinked and regrouped quickly.

  “What kind of creatures?”

  “You know.” Jillian raked her brain for mystical creatures. As a child, she shied away from fantasy stories because in the back of her mind, she knew it could be true. “Unicorns, goblins, mermaids, Hades from the Underworld, witches?”

  She held her breath and waited for Mac’s answer. His eyes were shrewd, but it was clear he wasn’t sure if she had a reason for asking such a bizarre question or if she was still dizzy from her collision.

  “No unicorns, goblins, mermaid or Hades from the Underworld, but witches, yes.”

  Her heart leapt. So, a witch named Flora drugged her, took away her memories and dressed her like Alice in Wonderland so Benji would find her. What was with people drugging her? The stilettos were too big for Jillian because they belonged to Flora who was nearly six feet tall. So now she knew why she couldn’t remember shit. How did she get from the wolves attacking her at Mac’s cabin to Flora who took her back to New York completely healed? What happened to Benji? Who did she want to castrate?

  “Jillian.”

  At Mac’s flat tone, she focused on him. “What?”

  “What’s going on?”

  “I have no idea,” she said honestly. “I need time to think this through.”

  He wasn’t going to let her leave and she needed time to piece everything together. She really needed a bath. Her clothes were stiff from her blood. Her stomach flipped just thinking of what happened when she collided with the glass.

  “Did you meet a witch?” Mac growled.

  Jillian blinked at him innocently. “How could I?”

  “I don’t know.”

  His carefully pronounced words shook with frustration. Jillian didn’t feel an ounce of sympathy for him. He wasn’t showing all his cards, so she wouldn’t either. She would figure this out. Mind buzzing with questions, Jillian grabbed a change of clothes and walked across the hall to the bathroom. When she turned to close the door, she bumped into Mac.

  “I’m going to shower.” Jillian narrowed her eyes when Mac didn’t move. “Alone.”

  “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  When he closed the door, she locked it and shrugged off her bloody clothes. Maybe she was part cat because it seemed as if she had nine lives. Seeing her favorite shampoo in the shower disturbed her, even while the smell of it comforted her. Mac wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he hadn’t hurt her. Why did he want to keep her here? To protect her from other males? No guy was that nice, right? She could understand he wanted sex, but according to those wolves, All he has to do is crook his finger and countless bitches open their legs for him. Jillian didn’t doubt that for a minute. She was a prude, yet Mac got her in bed in less than two days. Jesus, before Mac, she waited four weeks for a man and now… Now, she had no idea what to think. Mac made sure she had her favorite shampoo, but he sent wolves to maul her? It didn’t make sense. If Mac didn’t invite the wolves, how did they know she would be alone and defenseless? Mac must have under dosed her because her memory of the encounter with the wolves was clear. Why didn’t Mac mention the bodies in his front yard?

  When Jillian opened the bathroom door, she wasn’t surprised to see Mac standing in the hallway.

  “Okay?” he asked.

  She nodded and made sure to keep her distance from him. “I’m going to sleep.”

  “Jillian, when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be waiting.”

  Jillian closed the bedroom door and locked it. She knew Mac was going to spend the night in the hallway. She glared at the one big window in her room and wasn’t about to see if this one was “shatterproof” as well. Good riddance.

  Chapter Eight

  “Thanks, Jillian. That was great.”

  Jillian nodded absently as she and her mom walked out of the restaurant. Jillian frowned as she replied to an email on her cell phone.

  A long sigh. “You never stop working.”

  Jillian glanced at her mom and pocketed the phone. “I like to work.”

  “The only reason you like to work is because you don’t have a man.”

  Jillian frowned. “I have Sebastien and I like what I do.”

  Her mom made a face. “Sebastien is so stuffy. Why do you pick guys that will never stand up to you? You’re going to walk all over him.”

  Jillian crossed her arms defensively across her chest. “I’m not going to walk all over him.”

  Her mom grinned and linked her arm through Jillian’s. “I love you, honey, so I’m not going to lie. I worry about you.”

  “Don’t.”

  “I can’t help it. All you do is work, come home and work some more. You have all these rules and you’re always in control-”

  “I have to be in control,” Jillian bit out.

  She patted her arm sympathetically. “I know, honey, but you never get excited or pissed. I’ve never seen you heartbroken or so happy that you cry. Its like you don’t feel anything.”

  “Do you want me to turn into a wolf?” Jillian said with ice in her voice.

  “I don’t want you to ignore what you are.”

  “Ignoring what I am is the only option I have.”

  “Jillian, I don’t want you to be alone.”

  Jillian bumped her mom’s hip with her own in an attempt to show some playfulness and hopefully derail this uncomfortable conversation. “I have you.”

  “I’m not enough. I told you, wolves are supposed to live in packs. I watched it on the Discovery Channel and-”

  “Mom, I don’t want to talk about this.”

  Another long sigh. “You had so much spirit as a child and you’ve snuffed it out. I know its inside you. Any man will be lucky to have you because once you love, you love forever. You waste your time on wimpy guys so you can use and leave them.”

  “Gee, thanks, mom.”

  “You protect your heart so you won’t end up like me.”

  Amusement fled. “I want to be more careful.”

  She grasped Jillian’s hand and squeezed. “He was a con, but he gave me the most beautiful gift in the world. I don’t regret it one bit.”

  Jillian squeezed back. She wasn’t sure how her mom handled being penniless and pregnant. Despite her many hardships, her mother was filled with optimism, love and joy.

  “I’m fine, mom.”

  “Are you? I want you to love!”

  Jillian rolled her eyes as her mom tipped her head back dramatically and reached up as if to embrace the night sky. She spun in a circle, making others on the sidewalk scatter. Jillian watched her mom, a free spirit, dance down the sidewalk. Her mom was spontaneous enough to give Jillian gray hair.

  “Love isn’t logical or rational. I want you to feel elated, devastated, invincible and out of control.”

  Jillian raised a brow. “You want me to feel suicidal?”

  Her mom wagged a finger at her. “I know you, Jillian Marks. You’ll run like hell from any man who threatens your composure. The right guy won’t let you push him around. He won’t let you ignore him either.”

  Jillian lay in bed and didn’t feel the sha
rp lash of loss like she normally did when she thought of her mom. Remembering her mom full of life, daring her to love, was a good memory. She remembered that night well. Her mom badgered her nonstop on their walk home and dreamed up wild scenarios in which a macho guy would throw her over his shoulder, take her off to his lair and do wicked things to her. Jillian frowned because Mac wasn’t far off the mark. Not far at all.

  Jillian rolled over, pulled the covers over her head and willed herself into deeper sleep. She clutched the image of her mom smiling with mischievous eyes close to her heart. A tear slipped down her cheek as she buried her face in the pillow.

  Jillian staggered towards her apartment. With shaking hands, she reached above a sconce and slipped the extra key from it's hiding place and unlocked the door. Her leg throbbed and the wound on the back of her neck was so painful, she wanted to pass out. Blood made her clothes cling to her shaking body. She was so exhausted, she didn’t smell the intruders until it was too late.

  “Stay where you are.”

  Jillian blinked bleary eyes. Two wolf shifters sat on her couch. Jillian wanted to call on her wolf, but she was too weak. One of the men had a gun pointed at her. It was a replay of the night her mom died. Jillian spread her arms wide and wished they would just get it over with.

  One of the shifters couldn’t be older than twenty-two. He was pudgy with a fro of bushy hair and inquisitive brown eyes. He looked more like a nerd than a killer. The second wolf with the gun looked more like the mercenaries who killed her mother. He was fair, tall and muscular with dark hair and mesmerizing green eyes. If she had the energy, her wolf would have gone for him first.

  The nerd sniffed the air and frowned. “What happened to you?”

  The second wolf shot him a quelling glance before he addressed Jillian.

  “Come with us willingly or I tranquilize you. Your choice.”

  “Is it true you killed the mercenaries?” the nerd asked excitedly. “Our alpha waited three weeks for them to come back with you. When they didn’t, he sent us. We had to dig pretty deep, but we found out Cormac Mercer was here-”

  “Brant.”

  Brant the Nerd sighed and shut up. The fair one turned his attention back to Jillian.

  “How do you want to do this?”

  “Who do you work for?” she mumbled.

  The nerd opened his mouth and the bigger one elbowed him.

  “You’ll find out soon enough. How are we gonna take you?”

  Jillian’s shaking legs gave out and she collapsed. She heard the shifters arguing. The fair one thought it was a trick, but the nerd rushed over. When he leaned over her, she caught a whiff of licorice. She didn’t have the energy to push him away as he rolled her onto her back and opened her trench coat. Jillian heard his indrawn breath.

  “Holy shit,” the nerd exclaimed.

  “She’s trouble.”

  “We have to take her to Flora.”

  “No, we have to take her to the Alpha.”

  “You hand her over like this, he’ll kill her on the spot.”

  “He’ll kill her anyway!”

  “If she killed the mercenaries, she can handle him. We have to take her to Flora. She said this female is important to our pack.”

  They argued as Jillian faded into unconsciousness.

  The bedroom filled with morning light. Jillian tapped her fingers restlessly on her abdomen as her mind sifted through fragmented memories. So she made it back to New York after her run in with the wolves at Mac’s cabin only to walk into two more wolves waiting in her apartment. Nerd and Asshole had orders to take her to their alpha who sent the mercenaries. Jillian assumed Nerd managed to persuade the other wolf to take her to Flora. Did she ever meet their alpha? Was their alpha the one she and Flora talked about on the ride back to New York?

  Jillian slipped out of bed and changed into jogging clothes. Her wolf paced, as frustrated with the limited amount of information as Jillian. She was relieved that her mind was opening up, but she hated that it wasn’t in chronological order. Jillian debated what to do as she pulled her hair into a ponytail and stretched in the middle of the room. She had two names, Brant the nerd and Flora the witch. She still didn’t know how she felt about Mac. A part of her wanted to confide all she remembered, but Mac wasn’t spilling his guts, so neither would she. Everything was connected, she just had no idea how. She needed more information before she went charging in, potentially to her death. Flora mentioned something about being an alpha female. She had a sneaking suspicion that was important. When Brant mentioned “Cormac” there’d been awe and fear mixed into his expression. Was Mac well known within the wolf community? She now had names connected to the alpha behind the mercenaries and she had Mac to answer her questions.

  She walked down the hallway to the living room and raised her brows at Mac who sat on the couch.

  “I’m going for a run,” Jillian said.

  “I’ll come with you.”

  She shrugged carelessly. She expected no less. She had questions for him, but she had to clear her head first. She walked to the front door and took a deep breath. There was dew on the grass and the world hadn’t warmed yet. She walked over to the clearing where she battled both wolves. Of course, there was no sign of what occurred and no scent of blood. She closed her eyes as she ran and let her nose lead the way through the trees. She’d always been a fast runner and she attributed it to constant training, but deep down she’d known it was more than that. She ran for over an hour and heard the steady footfalls of Mac behind her.

  She paused at the top of a hill. She could see more of Mac’s land and it was breathtaking. The trees were healthy and green and she could hear the distant sound of the stream running through his property. In the past, she visited other cities on business. A part of her always yearned for open spaces, but she’d been terrified how her wolf would react if given the chance to be set free, so she avoided rural areas. Jillian was still uneasy with her wolf, but she wanted to find a way for them to live in harmony. She didn’t want to struggle with her beast every waking moment for the rest of her life.

  Jillian turned to Mac. She wasn’t sure of his motives, but Mac brought a feral wolf onto his property and cared for her. He gave her a chance to heal and regain a part of her humanity. Deep down, she didn’t believe he was involved with the wolves who attacked her, but something told her to be cautious where he was concerned.

  “Do you know anyone named Brant?” Jillian asked.

  Mac’s eye twitched. “No. Why?”

  “You know any witches?”

  “No, I don’t like witches.”

  Jillian thought of Flora’s retro style and Miss America personality. If all witches were like her, how could you resist them? “Why?”

  “Most witches can’t be trusted. They have their own agenda.”

  “Wolves don’t work with witches?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  The alpha who wanted her must be really twisted. Not only did Flora work for him, he hired mercenaries without giving them specific instructions like, “Don’t kill innocents.”

  “Do you know any witches that live near here?”

  A muscle in his jaw twitched. “No.”

  “Am I an alpha female?”

  Mac’s hands clenched at his sides. “Yes.”

  “What is that, exactly?”

  His eyes began to glow. She knew he wanted to demand where these questions were coming from, but he would rather have her ask questions than face her silence.

  “Dominant wolves are called alphas and they lead the pack. One male, one female.”

  She frowned. “You don’t elect the alpha?”

  Mac snorted. “This isn’t a democracy, Jillian. Wolves live by different rules. It’s a hierarchy.”

  “So,” she drawled. “Alphas lead packs. What makes me an alpha?”

  He stared at her for a long minute. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared because she wasn’t sure what that look meant.

/>   “Alphas are born leaders. They’re faster, stronger and they don’t know how to submit. They’re protective and deadly. You’re what every alpha in North America is looking for in a mate.”

  “What? You told me male wolves want me because there aren’t enough females.”

  “There’s that,” Mac said and his voice was rough with hunger. “Any male wolf would claim you as theirs, but an alpha wants you for a mate to rule the pack. I didn’t expect to find an alpha in a half breed though the signs were there. I should have put it together when you killed those mercenaries, but I told myself it was because you were grief stricken. It wasn’t until I brought you back here and you fought me every step of the way that I couldn’t deny it any longer.”

  “Is that why you want me?”

  It was a piece of the missing puzzle. There had to be a reason why Mac went through so much trouble for her. She was an alpha female, so what did that mean for him?

  “No.”

  She wasn’t sure she believed him, but it didn’t matter anyway. “You’re an alpha.”

  “Yes.”

  She eyed him warily. “You wanted me to claim you. That would make me your mate and bond me to you for life, right?” She found a motive for Mac to take care of her.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Can an alpha have a pack without an alpha female?”

  A nod. “The alpha male has to work harder to keep everyone in line. If there are females in his pack, they’re doing everything they can to get his attention. The alpha female creates balance and if the alpha pair is strong, it stabilizes the pack.”

  “Does the male alpha have to be with a female alpha?”

  “No, but if he has a weak mate, the others in the pack won’t respect her. Another female can challenge and kill her to take her place.”

  Jillian’s mouth dropped open. “That’s barbaric.”

  “Everyone has a place in the pack. If you put the wrong person at the top, the rest of the pack will fall like dominoes. Having an alpha female is vital for every alpha.”